Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
