Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
