so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
