I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The struggles of a small town man whore
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
