I'm going to jail i love you
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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