the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
