When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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