she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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