ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
