plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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