when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
