We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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