"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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