Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
