Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Randomize
