Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
