Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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