we have pet lesbian snakes
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
