I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
