maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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