"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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