I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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