So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
