I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I need a burrito and a hug.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize