Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize