Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
