yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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