If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
