He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
