my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
