He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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