Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
