somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
