she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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