im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
