WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
