at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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