if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
