I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
