If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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