hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
