i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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