No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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