I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
