Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
