Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
