I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
