There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She bit a glass in half.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
