I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
