I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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