he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
