nutella sex= disaster
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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