I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
