DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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