u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
