Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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