I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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