She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
