Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
