I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
