if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
