Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
