i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
