That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
