I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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