love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
