She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hippo gnu deer
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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