I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
