Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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