I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
