drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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